On the Run

I wish I could run and blog simultaneously. I'm sure many of you can, and while I can multi-task, I can't do tasks that require that much coordination.

And running, for me, requires coordination.

Way back before I became a Mommy I used to run. I never thought about running while I ran. I though about things at work, used running to get out my work stress and anxiety (if I only knew then what I know now. None of that mattered. None), think about what we might do over the weekend, what my next pair of shoes might be...

But now, it's a whole other world of thoughts.

I start out by thinking of the mechanics of running. Am I standing straight? How's my posture? Are me feel hitting okay? Am I keeping them straight? Can I finish this last mile in 8 minutes so my splits end up being ten minutes (and that answer to that one is no, they will end up being 11.5 minute miles)?

Then I start thinking about what hurts and I start complaining. How old I feel. How come my left knee hurts when my right is injured? Am I overcompensating? What's the muscle inside my calf that feels tight? Why is it so hot out? Why can't I find the time to get this run in early, before it gets humid?

And then I remember why I'm doing this. I think about how grateful I am that I can feel the pain in my legs. That I am able to walk. That I can run - how can I complain about running? how can I take it for granted? I think about how it must sound to someone in a wheelchair, with a walker, crutches. I think about Emily, in AFO's, and what it would sound like to her. I think about everything she has been through. I think about how hard she has to work, will always have to work. And my complaints wither away, pitiful and ashamed that they even reared their ugly head.

And then, head cleared, I take in the music. Today, "All These Things That I've Done" resonated in my ears. I moved along and just emptied my mind, and listened. I love hearing Time and truth and hearts in the background. I listened. And I heard something new. I used to think they were saying If you can't hold on, but I was wrong. Today I realized they are saying If you can hold on. How funny.

Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done

Time, truth, and hearts

If you can hold on
If you can hold on